Over the past 6 months or so, I have been slowing down drastically in terms of achievement: I am running late on almost all my class projects (including my thesis), I haven't written a blog post in ages, etc...
What is happening to me? I used to be this over achieving monster that wanted to have a doctorate degree, succeed in all aspects of his life and someday impact the life of millions. Now I feel like I'm constantly settling.
What is happening to me? I am not on drugs (well that's if you do not consider Jack Daniels as one); I passed the age of puberty a long time ago (I think...); I just do not feel that drive that I used to have, I am not excited about anything anymore (although I've been trying to have lots of fun lately).
What is happening to me? That's the question I asked myself when I woke up today after having my first 9-hours sleep in a long time, even though I have less than 36 hours to study for a final and write a 2500-words paper.
Then, I realized that I do not recall dreaming during my sleep; In fact I don't recall the last time I actually dreamed something else than nightmares or past events. I just do not have any sense of fantasy anymore. Better yet, I think I lost my ability to fantasize a long time ago. I therefore decided to switch the question from What is happening to me? to What do I want out of Life?
I observed that my past adrenaline rushes were always, in some way, connected to pleasing someone else, and that the last time pleasing myself was at the top of my priorities goes back to my childhood years. I have lost the ability to DREAM for myself.
In light of all this, I decided to create another blog, where I will archive what I want, ranging from a simple meal to World Peace. This will remind me and whoever needs it, that dreaming and dreaming BIG is good, heck it's necessary to a fulfilled life.
Check out the new blog HERE.